So What's the Words? How 'bout WHERE are the words?

Think of the Internet as a great junkyard littered with the detritus of people's discarded blogs, a vast wasteland of ideas that seemed good to someone...at sometime. I remember the energy and excitement with which I approached this place so long ago, the noble plan to leave a footprint for my then very young offspring to return to at that point in his life where his dad (aka one time super hero) becomes invisible. back then that seemed a long way away. Today that time draws ever closer. Alas, I don't need to reiterate what has already been written. If you, dear reader choose to delve back into the archives try not to think of it as digging deeply through the garbage. Is it garbage? Admittedly, sometimes I feel that way. Often I wonder if any of it was worth it, yet then I find myself moving back in time, actually reading some of the posts and musings in this blogging past and finding that HELL YES!, some of it was indeed worth it.

Everyone has stories to tell. I still have stories to tell. What's missing however is the passion, the desire, the inspiration to write. I keep telling myself that there is a book in me somewhere. Once it was about a campground, a place that still resides in my soul; a place that frankly I am convinced is the only place that I have ever known true happiness. That project fell through the cracks. A book has actually been written already, based on interviews that I had conducted over a two year span. I haven't read it yet, nor seen it. Perhaps one day. For now, it's just a stark reminder of...failure. I remember how proud I was, how energized I felt telling folks that I was going to write a book. I also remember the near immediate misgivings I had as the project got underway and I wondered if I could actually pull it off.

Call it a crisis of confidence.

I can make excuses for why the project never reached fruition, death in the family, untimely passing of a close friend, unemployment. Oh the list goes on. Life is full of unexpected twists, turns and pitfalls. There is a story there undoubtedly, but a book? Obviously a book. It's published.

A family member recently penned a book that she got published. It's a memoir. I won't mention the name of the book nor its author, nor my very preliminary review in reading a few select sections. Suffice it to say I am wholly impressed that she pulled the feat off, and found the words so easily to publish a book over 200 pages in length. It is truly an impressive feat and when I held that book in my hand, I was jealous. Here was someone with zero writing experience that was able to turn something out in a relatively short period of time.

Kudos.

That said, there is also the matter of reality. We are living in an age now where anyone can get published. it's similar to the direction that music has taken. Anybody can put out an album now and find distribution easily. Kudos to those folks as well. As I mentioned earlier, everyone has a story to tell. Whether or not all of these stories should be told be via the written page or out there in cyberspace? I can't answer that.

I'm not jealous, nor am I envious. I'm more disappointed in that I have reached a low point where words that were once so in abundance now seem non existent.
Lost.

When I started here in 2006, I promised to make this place a happy one. For the most part I pulled that off. I remain cautiously hopeful that it may one day happen again. Yes, there is a book inside me someplace. Hopefully, I will one day find the discipline to return here in a more timely fashion. It's a low level, more attainable goal I have set for myself.

I've stopped reaching for the stars for now.